10 Reasons I'm Glad Dating Has Sucked So Fucking Much in My 20s.

For those of us who are still single. 

1. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because it’s taught me I’m a warrior. With leather straps around my ankles and a huge fucking spear in my hand, and huge fucking lungs that breathe huge fucking breaths. It’s taught me I am stronger than my fear (eventually), stronger than your excuses (once I catch on), stronger than my desire for your attention (oy), stronger (it turns out) than is required. I've been hurt and rejected, and triumphant and disappointed, and I’ve filled my life up with the things that said yes to me, and turned my back on the things that haven't, and I've done it with my feet on the ground and my chin in the air, because turns out....I’m a fucking. Warrior. Fucking. TRY me!!! 

2. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because unpredictable sex is hot sex up...And I’ve had some hot times with you scruffy-faced, cocky, sexy, complicated assholes. Thanks for the dirty, passionate, stupid choices I’ve made with you. Thanks for throwing my emotions around. Thanks for taking me home. Thanks for wanting me enough to help us both make terrible decisions. Thanks for being tender with me even though you’d be cruel ten minutes later. It was hot to earn your attention. It was hot to not know where it was going. It was hot win you because I knew I was always about to lose you. It was hot. Number 2. 

3. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because I know what it’s like to wake up on my own. And I know a bunch of recipes that I can cook for just me. I know how to adopt a pet, and make a cup of coffee, and hang a painting and make a bed and furnish an apartment. I know how to fill up my life. I know there are other lovers but you. I know how happy I can make me. I know how to be alone. I know myself. I know that's not a small thing. Thanks.

4.  I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because it’s made my life real fucking exciting! Yeah, you were a drug addict. Yeah, you ended things and started things and ended things and started things with me. Yeah, you kissed me for four hours before you left me, saying that we’d never be ready, that we had to end it now, that you would always be in love with me, even as you walked away. Yeah, I could taste you for weeks through my tears. Yeah. Drama is interesting. A part of me wanted this. Thanks for introducing me to that part - she’s pretty fucking rad. 

5.  I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because when I meet him, I’m not gonna wonder who else is out there. And when I meet him, I’m gonna know that he isn’t the answer to everything. When I meet him, I’m going to know that both of us have the choice to leave at any moment, and that’s what makes it so special. When I meet him, I’m going to approach him with sensitivity, because I know how tender we all are. When I meet him, I’ll have a bunch of stories for him because the rest of you fucked with me so hard. When I meet him, I’ll know how special it is and I won’t fuck around. That’ll be a great day. Thanks, men of my 20s, for preparing me for it.  

6.  I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because my broken-heart is pretty fucking beautiful and enormous. Thank you, men of my 20s, for teaching me how to feel. Thank you, stupid stupid dating, for expanding my capacity for empathy. Thank you for hurting me, so I could learn how to be brave. Thank you for teaching me about the stories that DON’T turn out perfectly, which are 98% of the stories out there, actually. Thank you for humbling me so that I could learn how to receive help. Thanks for helping me care less about my track record than I do about my scope of my heart. Thanks for helping me learn to claim my pain like I would claim anything else. Thank you for cracking me open even though I hated you for it. It’s better this way. Way better. Even though you’re dicks for doing it. 

7. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because I am FUCKING. WISE, GUYS. Man, I can give some badass advice! Man, have I been through some shit! Man, I am a good listener! Man, am I capable of understanding pain and redemption! Man am I interested in healing! Thanks, stupid people I dated. Those things are really awesome. And I like myself more this way. 

8. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because it’s taught me that I’m a human. And I’m not gonna get what I want all the time. It’s taught me that I’m gonna feel embarrassed. And I’m gonna fail. I’m gonna make bad decisions, and I’m gonna be too eager. It’s taught me that I can’t judge others on their own rejections because I’m one of them, too. It’s taught me that being humbled doesn’t mean being worthless. It’s taught me that life isn’t a perfect equation, so I don’t have to keep fighting for it to be one. It’s taught me that if I keep waiting to love myself until I’ve arrived, there may never be an arrival, so I might as well just love myself now, exactly as I am. Thanks, douchebags. I really like this one. 

9. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because it turns out my heart is impossible to crush. It turns out I try again and again and again without my own permission. It turns out my body won’t give up on this, even though my mind has a lot of reasons to. Turns out there is always hope in me even in darkness. Turns out cynicism is just a cover for longing, and it’s that longing that connects me to everyone else. Turns out I am blown away by the human capacity for hope. And finding it within myself was pretty effing special. Thanks, shitty men. I’m liking you more and more. 

10. I’m glad dating has sucked so fucking much in my 20s because what the fuck else am I gonna do? You were beautiful, and mysterious, and right in front of me. You were dangerous and excited about me and overwhelming. I wanted you. And you hurt me. And you healed me. And lifted me up. And you showed me that I was beautiful. And you left even though I wanted you to stay. My friend Rima says living from the heart is the only way to live. Well my fucking heart chose you all for a while. They say that one day all this unpredictable, hot, infuriating buillshit will bore me. Until then. This list is going on my fucking wall. So come fuck with me, daters. I still have one year left.